I Wish Someone Told Me That ...

In the last three years and eight months, I have learned a lot about parenting, but I am FAR from being an expert in anything. In fact, I still consider myself a newbie, and believe that part of the "adventure" is that you're always learning something new or different.

This kid's got quite a set of lungs!

In the excitement of pregnancy, 99% of what I heard from others were all the happy, feel-good stories about child-rearing. Maybe some people brought up the not-so-glorious moments, and maybe I just chose not to hear them. Now, almost four years later, I wish I had listened better, because damn, I could have probably saved myself (and my child) some headaches. I wish someone had told me that being a new parent isn't going to be 100% about sweet, I WILL CHERISH EVERY DAMN SECOND kind of thing. There will be days when you have to go outside out of frustration and string a bunch of obscenities that would make a sailor blush. And you know what? That's OK. 

Of course there are wonderful moments, like snuggling up with your new baby, or the first time your baby smiles (for real, not because he just let out a satisfying fart). Everyone talks about how awesome that new baby smell is, but people don't go around telling new mothers that potty training could possibly be the worst battle she will face as a parent in the first five years. I suppose it's because people don't want to be Debbie Downers in front of pregnant women or new mothers, but in hindsight, I do wish more people gave me realistic advice and less of the lovey-dovey stuff. For one thing, I ended up with postpartum depression, so hearing people tell me how in love I was supposed to be with my newborn — when I was already having personal bonding issues — probably made me feel worse that I already was feeling.

I'm not saying that hearing "horror stories" would have made me change my mind about becoming a parent. New parents already have so much going on that feelings of inadequacy or loneliness could make overwhelming situations feel even more unmanageable. New parents should know that it's fine to feel a little nutty, and that if things get too crazy, there's always help available. Most hospitals have programs to help new moms deal with PPD, and there are places online like Meetup.com that allow you to connect with others who share similar interests and situations. A little craziness is part of the adventure that is parenting; worrying that you're the only one who feels that way is something we can all do without.