One Night in Vegas

What was the occasion? Write about the last time you stayed in a hotel.

November 2011. Las Vegas. Hard Rock Hotel.

For the past several years, my husband's annual holiday part has been held at the Hard Rock in Vegas. I almost didn't get to go since my husband's annual "boys trip" to Vegas turned out to be on the same weekend, and he almost took one of his buddies with him to the party. I was bummed. I love going to Vegas - the drinks, the food, and yeah, some gambling too. Thn the idea came up that I could just come out for one night for the party, then my husband would still have the rest of the weekend to spend with his buddies. Yes! But there was another caveat: I had just found out I was pregnant at the time, so that meant no drinking and no heavy partying*. Oh well, I thought, I could still have fun. I love Vegas!

We got there and checked into our awesome suite at the Hard Rock. We chilled for a bit before getting ready for the night. I wore the same dress and shoes from last year's party because...well, I don't really have many dressy things in my closet. Honestly, the annual holiday party is the only time I ever get to dress up. No worries, I thought; people were so blitzed last year that I doubt they'd remember.

The living room portion of our suite.

Behind the TV wall was the lovely, fluffy bed.

Speaking of...that was another reason I really wanted to go last year. I got SO SHITFACED the previous year that I didn't even make it to the party. Halfway through dinner, I was practically passed out at our dining table at Nobu that my husband and a coworker had to escort me back to our room. While my husband partied downstairs, I spent the rest of the night either in bed or with my head in the toilet. Good times.

So between my resolve NOT to repeat what happened at the previous party and the fact that I wasn't allowed to drink any alcohol, I figured I had a very good chance of making it to the party this time! We had dinner at Nobu again, but this time with a different set of my husband's coworkers and their partners. Dinner was lovely, even though I had to sneak a peek at my iPhone a couple of times to check whether this fish or that was safe for me to eat. We hadn't announced the pregnancy yet, so with my fake cocktail, no one was the wiser. After dinner, we headed to the party, which was already in full swing. They played a lot of hip hop and dance, which I managed to get my husband to dance with me for a bit. For much of the party we walked around and chatted with a bunch of other people, as well as sit down, rest, and people-watched. We even went back out into the casino or gamble a bit, but we called it a night fairly early. Tired, but certainly in much better shape than in the previous year.

The next morning, unfortunately, I had to catch an early flight back to LA. While I would have loved to stay longer, all in all, I had a great time and was so glad it worked out.

*As I briefly mentioned in a previous post, we ended up losing the baby in early December. From what my doctors said, the baby had stopped developing around the time of the party. When I should have been nine weeks along, I was only showing as six. Two ultrasounds made it clear that itnhad stopped growing. I'm now fine with the loss, but part of me can't help but wonder if it was anything I did that somehow hurt the pregnancy. I didn't drink, but I did have a few cigarettes. Was it that? Was it the dancing? The heels? The food? The fatigue of travel?? It was a blighted ovum; something, most likely genetically, caused the fetus to stop developing. I know that, but sometimes I still wonder...

Nerve-Wracking

The question from Mama Kat's Weekly Writing Prompts: A case of the nerves! When was the last time you had them and how did you get through it?

The last time? This past Sunday when I had to take my four-year-old to a preschool classmate's birthday party.

See, for as much as I "talk" online, I'm actually a very introverted person. I'm not necessarily shy, I just prefer to do things on my own. But I get very stressed out in social situations where I barely know anyone while everyone else knows one another. I'm not good at going up to people and having genuine chats with them. Sure, I can do small talk, but I'm not a fan of those. So I had been stressed out about this party all week, and by Sunday morning, I honestly felt like throwing up. In the shower, I stood there shaking, even though hot water was pouring down on me. I considered taking an Ativan.

How did I get through it? It just had to be done. If I declined the invitation, I would be doing my son a disservice. As I mentioned in my previous post, my son needs a little help in getting to know his classmates. I should be thankful that we were even invited. I have to cast aside my own fears if it helps my son even in the smallest bit. I left the Ativan in the bottle, took many deep breaths on the drive to the party, and steeled my nerves as best as I could. I'm pretty sure I thought to myself, "It won't be that bad, you'll probably be chasing him down during the entire party. There probably won't even be many instances where you're sitting there by yourself, all pathetic-like."

In the end, it really wasn't that bad. Sure, there was one awkward moment when my son and I sat down to eat, and he decided to sit at a table away from the rest of the kids—but in all honesty, was it such a big deal? Five minutes later, we were back outside to play, then it was time for the cake, and all the kids were able to gather around to sing "Happy Birthday." Yes, I survived, and I know I made it a bigger deal than I should have. (But isn't that what anxiety usually is?)

We have two more preschool birthday parties the next two weekends. On Sunday morning, I'll probably be hyperventilating again in the shower, but a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do.

Christmas Breakfast Inspiration

If someone were to ask me what are some things I could live without, the Internet would be mighty high up that list. From finding a video online to entertain my kid for a few minutes to looking something up on Google, I'd be lying horribly if I said I didn't rely on the Internet much.

One thing I use it for A LOT is cooking. I am always looking at recipes (or drooling over food porn). My latest success was making homemade cinnamon buns for Christmas morning. On Christmas Eve, my husband brought up something I totally forgot about: Christmas breakfast. (Granted, if you read my previous post, it will make things a little clearer as to why my brain wasn't working properly.) Growing up, my family didn't really have any Christmas Day traditions since we celebrated the night before, so I often rely on my husband to clue me in as to what family traditions he would like to continue. One of these is having freshly baked cinnamon buns for breakfast on Christmas morning.

I quickly looked online for recipes, and sure enough, there were some good choices on my favorite recipe site allrecipes.com. I settled on a recipe called Cinnamon Rolls II because A) it looked easy enough and B) I already had all the necessary ingredients. Now, the original recipe was designed for a bread machine, which I don't own. What I love about allrecipes is that the commenters and reviewers are actually helpful; in this case, a couple of reviewers gave some tips on how to make the rolls without a bread machine. I also had to ask, on Facebook, a question about prepping the dough the night before and baking it the next day. (See? I DO rely on the Internet a lot!)

Here they were, on Christmas morning, fresh out of the oven:

Finally, here they are coated with a basic sugar frosting:

These were so easy and yummy that I'm already planning on when I can make them again. (Specifically, with cream cheese frosting!) So THANK YOU, Internet, for helping my family continue this decadent Christmas tradition!

Fall in Los Angeles

Who says we don't get seasons and changing leaves in Southern California? I smile every time I drive through this street.

Crafts: Halloween Candle Jars

I love Halloween. Even though I don't go all out on the decorations, I really do love the the holiday. (Maybe it's just the candy ... and having a kid suddenly gave me an unquestionable reason to go out trick or treating again.)

A few years ago, I saw this craft on Skip to my Lou. I loved the simplicity — it was something even I could do to make our house a little more festive. All you need are some small jars or glasses, votive or tea light candles, orange streamers, black construction paper, and some kind of adhesive (I used Mod Podge).

First, cut out some shapes to make faces out of black construction paper; eyes, noses, mouths (and accessories, if you are so inclined). Apply a thin layer of glue on the outside of the jars, wrap streamer paper all around, then paste the faces on.

Halloween Candle Jars by day ...

Light up some candles, drop them in, and you're done! Easy!

... Halloween Candle Jars by night!

I only have four of these made, but I plan on making some more this year. Our mantle is currently 90% empty and I think a few of these spread out would make nice non-perishable, low-cost, and out-of-reach-of-my-curious-and-rambunctious-child Halloween decorations.

10 Things I Would Do (if I weren't busy parenting)

For this week's writing prompt, I chose to tackle the Since my current "job" is that of a full-time mother, it's hard to think about what I would do if I weren't "working." While I certainly have been vocal about the hardships of doing this kind of job (and still question whether I'm the right candidate for it), there isn't any doubt that this is the most passionate I've felt about or vested so much of myself into any other job I've held thus far. In short, no, I would not trade my current job for anything else right now.

With that in mind, of course I occasionally think about what else I could be doing. Here is my list of Top 10 jobs I sometimes fantasize about:

1. Professional photographer: I have loved cameras and photography since middle school. I am lucky enough to have some decent equipment and interesting subjects to photograph (my kid and friends' kids), and I get enough compliments that some days I dream about doing it professionally.
2. Chef: My other passion is to cook. I'm not fancy, and I mostly cook out of necessity (rather than to create fantabulous-looking masterpieces that taste great), but I still dream about getting paid to cook for other people.
3. Café Owner: Not only do I want people to pay me for the food I cook, but I want to serve it to them in my own little cafe. I would have small bites to offer, sandwiches, and desserts galore! Oh, and some damn good coffee.
4. Writer: Writing is another passion that's been with me for a long, long time. I have dry spells, but I've always tried to write something in one capacity or another. I was a journalism student in college, and some days I think about what it would be like to chase after a story in this day and age.
5. Editor: What do I love as much (or even more than) writing? Editing. I consider myself pretty anal about checking other people's work, and I've have ended up being the unofficial fact-checker at most of the jobs I held after college.
6. Musician in a band: I'll be honest, I don't have a lick of musical playing ability. I tried to learn to play the piano and flute while growing up, but they never stuck. I'm a big music fan though, and going to concerts was a big part of my life up until I gave birth to my son. Yes, I've dreamt about being a rock star.
7. Forensic investigator: Why yes, I do enjoy crime dramas on TV! I think what forensic investigators do is utterly fascinating! Remember what I just wrote about being anal? These guys and gals need to be detail-oriented, and I like to search for clues to solve mysteries. It would be a perfect fit! Well if only I chose a more science-related route in college than one that focused on the arts.
8. Paper store owner: You know shops like Paper Source? Yeah, I would totally love to own and run a place like that. I have had such a strange fascination with paper since I was young that being surrounded by all sorts of paper would be heavenly.
9. Stationery designer: As I mentioned, I love paper. This is actually a job I already had when I started my own small business as a greeting card and custom invitation designer a few years before I had my son. I loved it and sometimes wish I put more time and effort into growing my business.
10. Travel journalist: Last, but definitely not least. This dream job mixes my two biggest passions of writing and photography, with the added bonus of traveling all over the world. I used to watch shows like Globe Trekker and wished I could travel alongside Ian Wright, writing and taking pictures in Sri Lanka, Tahiti, and Japan.

Fifth Grade Awkwardness

Fifth grade was, on the whole, an awkward mess for me. I had spent half the year in fourth grade, then because of my age, was moved to fifth grade for the second half of the school year. Not only did I have to adjust to the curriculum, but I had to make new friends in the middle of the year. Thankfully, I did make friends, and some really good ones.

So at some point in the fifth grade, there was an incident where I felt like I was wronged by my teacher. We had just come in from the playground. It was close to the end of the year, so it was warm outside, and yeah, I was probably a little sweaty. Upon sitting back down in the classroom, our teacher suggested I take off the short-sleeved button down shirt I was wearing on top of a fitted tanktop.

Excuse me?

Mind you, even though this was fifth grade, I was one of those girls who had tits blossomed developed early. As if puberty wasn't bad enough, I was going through it alone; it was a small private school, and none of the other girls in our class were even considering training bras at that point. When the teacher told me to take my top shirt off, I knew I didn't want to. "No, it's OK," I muttered meekly. I wanted it to go away. I did not want to bring attention to it.

Then she began to INSIST that I take off my shirt.  Loud and often enough that by that time, everyone in the class was basically following the argument. I wanted to crawl and hide somewhere; I had no desire to put my curves on display for the entire class, especially to the boys who I thought were cute. Eventually, I gave in and took off the shirt, and spent the rest of the day in silence and avoiding all eye contact. I was so embarrassed; I already felt awkward about my body, and bringing attention to it like that made me feel 100 times worse.

I didn't know and still do not understand today why that teacher did what she did. Maybe she was concerned that I was too hot and needed to cool off. Maybe she was a sick pedophile that got a kick out of pubescent girls. Maybe she hated me for some reason and wanted to embarrass me in front the boys I was crushing on. Who the f*ck knows. Once in a while the topic comes up while talking with a very dear friend of mine who was in that class. "Remember when Mrs. X told you to take your shirt off in class?" she'll ask, with a hint of bewilderment still in her eyes. And to this day, more than 25 years later, I still cringe at the thought.

I Wish Someone Told Me That ...

In the last three years and eight months, I have learned a lot about parenting, but I am FAR from being an expert in anything. In fact, I still consider myself a newbie, and believe that part of the "adventure" is that you're always learning something new or different.

This kid's got quite a set of lungs!

In the excitement of pregnancy, 99% of what I heard from others were all the happy, feel-good stories about child-rearing. Maybe some people brought up the not-so-glorious moments, and maybe I just chose not to hear them. Now, almost four years later, I wish I had listened better, because damn, I could have probably saved myself (and my child) some headaches. I wish someone had told me that being a new parent isn't going to be 100% about sweet, I WILL CHERISH EVERY DAMN SECOND kind of thing. There will be days when you have to go outside out of frustration and string a bunch of obscenities that would make a sailor blush. And you know what? That's OK. 

Of course there are wonderful moments, like snuggling up with your new baby, or the first time your baby smiles (for real, not because he just let out a satisfying fart). Everyone talks about how awesome that new baby smell is, but people don't go around telling new mothers that potty training could possibly be the worst battle she will face as a parent in the first five years. I suppose it's because people don't want to be Debbie Downers in front of pregnant women or new mothers, but in hindsight, I do wish more people gave me realistic advice and less of the lovey-dovey stuff. For one thing, I ended up with postpartum depression, so hearing people tell me how in love I was supposed to be with my newborn — when I was already having personal bonding issues — probably made me feel worse that I already was feeling.

I'm not saying that hearing "horror stories" would have made me change my mind about becoming a parent. New parents already have so much going on that feelings of inadequacy or loneliness could make overwhelming situations feel even more unmanageable. New parents should know that it's fine to feel a little nutty, and that if things get too crazy, there's always help available. Most hospitals have programs to help new moms deal with PPD, and there are places online like Meetup.com that allow you to connect with others who share similar interests and situations. A little craziness is part of the adventure that is parenting; worrying that you're the only one who feels that way is something we can all do without.

The 10 Dos and Donts of Airplane Etiquette

A writing prompt courtesy of Mama Kat. As someone who has had a number of flights under her belt (the longest being approximately 8,500 miles), I like to think of myself as somewhat of a seasoned air traveler. Here are some of my personal DOs and DON'Ts of airplane etiquette. These are just some general things, though I do plan to write another one geared specifically for parents of young children in the near future.

Ze plane! Ze plane!

1. If you're prone to gas while up in the air (AKA "jet bloat") DO take a Beano before take off. Sure, you can avoid spicy foods, carbonated beverages, and any other items that might cause you toot more often, but nothing saves you (and your seat mates) from your noxious ass fumes than some good old Beano.
2. Along those lines, if you're the type to take bathroom breaks often, DO request an aisle seat. It plain sucks for your seat mates if you're always getting up and asking to pass by. Better to avoid the question of giving the ass or crotch?
3. Speaking of ass or crotch, when getting up, try to use the back of your own seat to help push yourself up if necessary. DON'T grab the backs of the seats in the row in front of you, as you're essentially rocking their seat for them. Not a nice thing to do when they have not asked for it.
4. Before you recline your seat, DO check the seat behind you to make sure anyone seated there isn't leaning forward or has placed anything precarious (like a drink) on his or her tray. If the person does have his or her tray out with stuff on it. After you've checked, recline slowly.
5. DON'T be a jerk and push your seat back suddenly and forcefully without regard to the person behind you.
6. As much as possible, stay within your alloted space. DON'T hog a shared arm rest. You technically "paid" for half that arm rest, so use your half. (Doing so also makes it harder for your seat mate to hog it as well.)
7. This is simple, if you suffer from stinky feet, please DON'T take your shoes (and socks) off during the flight. Or at least take measures to avoid or minimize the stench.
8. If the person sitting next to you is a stranger, DON'T use your seat mate as a pillow. If you plan to nod off during the flight, bring your own neck pillow and/or use the pillow provided by the airline (if applicable). If you just met your seat mate, you have not known him or her long enough to use a free shoulder to prop your sleepy head on.
9. If your seat mate has headphones on, chances are, he or she doesn't want to talk to interact with you. Apart from a friendly nod or a brief greeting, DO respect his or her peace and privacy.
10. DO be courteous and polite, not just to your fellow passengers, but also to the flight staff. Like it or not, you guys are stuck together for the rest of the flight, and chances are, if you're nice to them, they will be nice to you. We really don't need any more Steven Slater stories propping up.