More MIA Updates

Wow, so apparently I'm horrible about keeping this up. Things get busy, yadda yadda yadda ...

So, where to begin? In a nutshell, Ethan was denied any services through LAUSD, that while he probably could use some help, his "issues" weren't severe enough to qualify. On the one hand, GREAT! While we went through all the testing procedures, I did notice other kids who definitely seemed like they could use more help (eg. severe speech delays, etc). On the other hand, I felt like I was back to square one.

To be honest, Ethan has "grown" a lot since then. Academically, he seems to be doing well, especially with reading and math. People seem to be surprised how well he can read (for his age); which, to be honest, as a cynic, I can't tell if they're just fluffing my feathers since I don't really have any basis as to how much a four-year-old is supposed to be able to read.

However, socially, we still have some issues. Ethan's inability to cope with change had gone on to become violent. At home, I would get smacked, kicked, shoved, etc. and I was worried that this aggression would spill into school. Sometime in October, it finally did, and I was mortified. He wasn't just hitting other kids, but also the teachers. Thus prompted my first request for a parent-teacher conference.

The school staff (including the director) assured me that it wasn't the end of the world, and even pointed out that Ethan wasn't being aggressive out of malice, but because he couldn't cope with change. If other kids had a different idea about how to play with something, Ethan would freak out. And once he tipped over that edge, it was often difficult to bring him back down. Sure, you could remind him to use his words and that hitting is unacceptable until we're all blue in the face, but without a suitable (and safe) alternative, there was nowhere else for the frustration to escape than through his hands, legs, and lungs.

One method that I thought might help him is to get him to walk away. At home when he has gotten aggressive with me, he usually ends up in his room and can only come out after he's calmed down and ready to apologize. I told him that if he starts getting angry at school, he can try to find someplace away from others where he can calm down. I even suggested that he practice counting either as high as he can or in different languages. Supposedly this method worked at least once in school, but of course, catching that point (either by himself or with the help of a teacher) is far from easy.

Right now, I'm thankful that we've gone about a couple of weeks without any incidents at school. Even with me, the aggression has decreased, and I've had to put him in time out in his room maybe once in the last couple of weeks.

As for the other concern about Ethan not connecting with the other kids at school ... well, still not having much luck there. There are a couple of kids he seems to get along with, but most days he still often plays by himself. He still seems to prefer it that way, although it nearly broke my heart when I saw him one morning attempt to join a couple of other boys who were playing. They were bouncing balls among themselves, and Ethan took one ball out of the storage bin. He walked over to them and asked (a few times) if he could play with them, and he was practically ignored. Perhaps he wasn't asking too quietly. I wanted so badly to intervene, but I felt like in the long run, I wouldn't be doing him any favors by doing so. Ethan ended up putting the ball down and found something else to do. By himself.

I have reached out to the parents of a couple of the boys his teachers have told me that he gets along with, asking if they would be interested in playdates. One mom sort of shrugged me off by telling me that their schedules are all over the place so it's hard for them to plan playdates. The other I haven't even heard back from, but at least the boy came up to me and told me that he would love to have a playdate with Ethan. Eh, to be continued.

MIA Updates

I've been MIA again. Things got busy, I got lazy, etc.

However, there are several new things in life that got me promising myself to start writing again on a regular basis: I've gone ahead and pursued opportunities to help my son with some of his "issues." Specifically, getting an IEP for him. This school year will be his last before he starts Kindergarten next fall, and in the end, my desire to help him succeed in "big kids school" trumps my reservations about getting "special ed" services for my child.

So this week and next, while his preschool is closed for a brief end-of-summer break, we get to tackle several tests and evaluations. This week he'll have Language and Psych assessments, an Audio/Visual one next week, followed by the first IEP meeting the following week.

Speech & Language is nothing new for us. He received services through Regional Center right before he turned two years old for speech delay. He should have continued, but we moved, and I never got around to looking up services in our new district. Shortly after he turned four, I finally got him re-evaluated and regular appointments with a speech therapist. More about this from an earlier post here.

I wrote in that post that I would continue to do what I can to help him work out his issues. In addition to S&L, one other thing that has come up—at home, in school, during speech, at playdates, etc—is that he has trouble coping in situations where "rules" he has in his mind aren't being followed. This could be anything from how the kids are lined up at school for hand-washing, or that his father left for work without eating breakfast first, or that he witnesses a stranger crossing the street while the DON'T WALK sign was flashing. I find it almost amusing since he doesn't always follow rules himself; but if it's other people breaking them, then it's a catastrophe! From speaking with his preschool teachers and his speech therapist, I was introduced with the idea of social skills groups. I thought it was a great idea and began looking around for groups in our area.

At the same time, I was encouraged again to contact our local school district to ask about preschool services—they could offer the exact services my son needs, from speech to occupational therapy. The thing is, these services are through Los Angeles Unified School District's Division of Special Education. As I wrote earlier, I just had my own (silly, cowardly) hangups about such labels. I wish my reasons for putting it off were more grand, but honestly, 1) I thought going through the district would be a bureaucratic clusterf*ck, and 2) I just didn't want my son to be negatively judged if he does, in fact, have learning disabilities. I was afraid that people would think him weird or worse—simply because he's developing a little differently than other "normal" kids his age. In the end, those who would think that about my bright, happy, and friendly little guy could, to put it bluntly, go eff themselves. The ones who would not think any less of him and continue to support us are the ones that matter.

So here we go. Today was actually his S&L assessment. I'll write another post with details, but so far, I've been pleasantly surprised at how well LAUSD has been working with us. My fingers are crossed.